The Journey - Summer Blog 2014 Pt. 1

Summer (The Journey)  2014 Blog

Let’s just begin this by saying that I am incredibly blessed. It seems that just a few short months ago, I had no idea what I would be doing this summer. I figured that I would have a repeat of my last summer, staying somewhere for 3 months, taking a couple classes, and working some minimum wage job. I accepted this as my fate, despite the tingling in my travel-hungry bones. “I want to LIVE,” I kept reeling in my head, “before I REALLY have to start acting like an adult.” Ah, how young adulthood is so fleeting.

This repetitious summer quickly turned spectacular. Unprecedented. Unbelievable, really. Within a few weeks, my summer plans solidified. God must’ve looked down on me and said, “Ok, kiddo. Just in case you weren’t ABSOLUTELY sure that I love you, here’s an incredible 3 months for you.”

And so it begins. Here, I will document the memories, meals, meaningful conversations and the like of my Summer 2014 (which I have endearingly began to call “The Journey”.) The following is a line-up of the places and faces I will have the pleasure of viewing over the next 80 days:

1.       My uncle Mike’s wedding in Reading, Pennsylvania

2.       My friends Ashley and Nathan's wedding in Destin, Florida

3.       My grandparents’ 50^th wedding anniversary in Sarasota, FL (if you haven’t caught on yet, LOVE is a big theme of the summer’s excursions!)

4.       Moving to Germany (whuuut?) and spending a several days exploring Europe

5.       Studying abroad with Baylor in Austria in Salzburg

6.       Returning to Waco, Texas for Community Leader (CL) fall training

Between these 6 bullet points lies an adventure. Countless cities, numerous states, three countries, and innumerable flights to and from each point—journeys begetting more journeys, memories manifesting more memories. My deepest desire for this summer is that I be present in each of these moments, soaking up every little conversation, every little sight— to treat each day (and every day, for that matter) as a divine appointment. It’s going to be quite a ride.

Father, I pray for a heart of thankfulness, a heart that remembers that I did nothing to deserve these blessings, but that I am merely an object standing in the midst of Your presence. You give so freely and so lavishly. Guard my mind from giving into thoughts of worry, especially regarding the things I cannot control. I pray for Your wisdom and guidance as I keep my eyes open to what You may be teaching me in this season. You are so good, Lord. I trust You, I love you.

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Day 1: Denver International Airport (Present: Mom, Dani, Kristin, Me, Devon, and Danielle)

Well holy smokes. If there ever was a more inconvenient day to book a flight, it would be May 21^st out of Denver. Not only was there severe tornados in the area, but intense hailstorms, too. Airports are already filled with people on edge— now imagine those same people, but all in a dizzy about how the weather was “a bad omen”.  Admittedly, there was an air of uneasiness as people watched our family of 6 cart through the airport with 7 checked bags, individual carry-ons, and 2 weather-frightened daughters.

Oy.

Surprisingly, our flight wasn’t too delayed. We did fly through a lightning storm, which was TERRIFYING, but so incredibly cool. The clouds around us lit up, giving light to the vastness of a midnight sky. God’s majesty was displayed out there, man. I kept repeating things like, “GOD IS SO COOl!” while others around me offered a timid, “is this dangerous…?” I guess we all have our own reactions.

We landed at the Wilmington airport in Delaware, the tiniest, dinkiest little airport you ever did see. We walked to our hotel with all our luggage, stumbling around in the dark. Luckily the place was only about 100 feet from the terminal. Kristin, Devon, and I shared a room for the evening. After the day we endured, we all fell asleep without any troubles.

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Kristin, Me, Devon, Evan, and Danielle

Day 2:

Each day just gets more and more interesting. Upon arriving into Reading, Pennsylvania from Delaware, we encounter a hailstorm. This was not just any hailstorm—oh no. Luckily we were safely inside our hotel room by the time the golf ball-sized chucks came whirring to the earth, shattering every windshield in sight. After the storm passed, nearly everyone in the hotel was in the parking lot, on the phone with their insurance company, cursing the sky or even cursing each other.

Whilst in the lobby, I happened to meet my future aunt-in-law, Amber. I recognized her from our many social media exchanges. She was frazzled because she and my uncle Mike were going to miss their wedding rehearsal. Thankfully, all was sorted out. It was nice to support and encourage each other as a first impression due to the stress the storm brought. It’s amazing how seemingly wicked things can be used as tools for bonding.

The dinner was wonderful, and as my uncle Mike put it, “the best night of my life, until tomorrow.” Seeing my family all in one place, taking pictures that were long overdue, having a blast just being around each other, was all so refreshing and life-giving. I gave and received so many hugs—my heart is full!

Tomorrow begins the happenings for the wedding—hair and makeup appointments, dresses, manicures, miscellaneous errands, transportation and being on call in case Amber needs anything! And then, of course, soaking up all the fun of the wedding itself. 2 days down.

Lord, thank you for family. Thank you for the joy of merely being in the presence of a loved one, and thank you for the feeling of warmth from a smile across the room. Thank you for your provision and for your majesty, displayed in the weather and in the recovery of the same. You are so much grander than our plans and scheduling. Thank you for reminding us to be humble and attentive to Your will.

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Day 3:

The wedding was divine! Oh, how lovely it is to see family and good friends after so long. The ceremony was pleasant—outdoor and quaint. The reception was quite the party, and we danced the night away. After the day of crazy yesterday, it was so good to finally have good weather and plans running smoothly. Everyone looked so good! I feel like I've known Amber for years; she fits into our family seamlessly! She is so kind, caring, and so much fun! She's the perfect match for one of the greatest guys I know, Uncle Mike. 

Amber and Mike, exchanging rings

Can’t wait for the rest of this time in PA. I'll get to see so many family members I haven't seen in years! So pumped!

My beautiful Mommy

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Day 6:

(In the Philly airport waiting to get to Ft. Walton Beach)

The trip to the East Coast was so great. Can’t believe my time there is already over! I saw so many people that I’ve loved my whole life, some for half, and some I met that weekend that I already love!  The family reunion for Lexi’s birthday was so perfect. Lots of people, good food, perfect weather, lots of room to run around. It was so good to finally see my immediate family mingling, giving and receiving love. I’m so glad the girls and I finally got to vacation together!They look good in PA!

It’s been a little rough for me, especially yesterday. Feelings of rejection started to settle in and I began to second guess some decisions. After a lot of counsel and love, I was reassured that I have recently made good decisions, and that looking for a pathway of destruction only hurts me in the end, not the people who have hurt me. I’ve been praying so much about this. Mostly I am so thankful that I was with loving people as I went through this issue.

Lord, thank you for Your goodness. You are so indescribably protecting and giving, and You look out for every one of my needs. I live for your Kingdom—show me how I can be used by You, how I can exude Your love, not my own doubts and opinions. Hold me in Your almighty hands, move me at Your will.

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Day 10:

It sure is great to be back in Fort Walton Beach, FL! The sights, the sounds—it’s all coming back to me! I am fortunate enough to be staying with the Acocks, two of the nicest people I’ve ever met. They are so generous, always asking what they can do for me. I hope to be this hospitable in the future!

I’ve been spending lots of time with the other bridesmaids, and they are so great! I knew Ashley had a good judge of character J It is so good to be around other young, Christian women who want to soak up this vacation and tend to Ashley’s needs as much as I do. We are all so excited to see her get married!

Alissa, Ashley, Rose, and JoAnn

So far, we’ve gone to the beach quite a bit, watched TV, and ate. But for the latter half of the week we've done nothing but partake in wedding preparations! Arranging flowers, tying bows on chairs, nail appointments, running errands, the works. Last night was the bachelorette party, which consisted of dinner at McGuire’s, getting lost between Fort Walton and Destin, an awesome playlist (created by yours truly), and some other shenanigans which are strictly kept secret. After all the planning and running around, it was so good to be able to just have fun with these incredible women!

Today is the bridal luncheon, then probably more setting up at the church. We all need a restful night, since call time tomorrow for the big day is 8:30am! Can’t believe she’s getting married!

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Day 11: THEY ARE WED!

Ashley and Nathan Howell

                Ashley and Nathan were married today! After over year of planning, a long few days of prepping, and an excitement-filled morning, I can’t believe it’s already over! The Howells are now off on their honeymoon, and the church is devoid of purple and teal decorations once more. I have made some new friends, and will cherish the memories I have with these amazing people!

                I have stood by Ashley as a friend for years, and today, I stood by her to witness her first moments of marriage. It’s hard for a girl not to think about who she will one day stand with at the alter, exchanging vows and rings. But my heart is set with the Lord, the one who has already given me my forever. He says “I do” every day, and the best days are the days in which I rejoice in that truth. He has proven His love for me in so many ways, and definitely shown me His love through the love surrounding me today. I saw Him everywhere.

                Congratulations, Ashley and Nathan! May today be the first of many incredible memories of your marriage. I am so thrilled I could be there to take it in!

Father, thank You for the gift of companionship. Thank you for not leaving us to go through this life alone. Thank you not only for love in marriage, but love in friends and family. Your love shines through the people closest to us, and my deepest desire is to spread that love as thick and as far as I can. You are so good, God.

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Day 15: Sarasota, FL

At my grandparents' house, I truly feel like I'm at home. So much of my life has been spent within these walls, surrounded by decades of memories and stories, not to mention endless pictures of my dad throughout his youth and teenage years. Wow, what a stunner he was!

I feel young again when I sit outside on the lanai, listening to Grammi talk about the old days in New York, watching the white herons sneak around the edges of the lake. I operate every latch, every switch, every twist and turn of this house with expertise; I know that every utensil in the kitchen has its particular place, and I know exactly what time our favorite shows grace the television.

It's routine, it's unchanging, yet it's beautiful. I still never known the quick-witted, hysterical lines Grammi will utter, her New York accent dripping from every word. But I can count on her spunk, her wisdom. My grandfather, always working hard, but always ready to join the fun with his unfiltered, I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that humor.  I love them, and just being here makes me content.

My family is here in Sarasota because my grandparents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Who would have thought, the young couple who met on a blind date in New York would be forever known as the Beckers. Everyone who is in this house this week is here as a result of a blind date. Grammi always says how completely unexpectedly Grandpa came along. And fifty years later, I get to observe how completely amazing the unexpected can be.

But is my God not strong?

I am weak.

I am doubtful.

I am scared.

I am wandering.

I am powerless

I am worrisome.

I am hurt.

***

But is my God not strong?

Is he not all powerful,

the most Almighty?

Is my God not listening, woven into every fiber of my life,

and yours?

Is my God not watchful, is he not protective?

Is my God not my deliverer,

the Savior of the world?

And is my God not jealous

when I give my heart to the ways of this world.

Is he not wrathful?

Yet, is not unconditionally loving, forgiving all the time?

Is my God not here.

Now.

When my breaths are short

and the tears stream long.

Is my God not present right now,

just as present as He was when he raised the dead

and died Himself?

Is my God not worthy of all praise?

***

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered in shame." -Psalm 34:4-5

Voiceless

My voice is gone.

I've been singing a lot lately, but what else is new? I've also lead a few dance rehearsals, and I've always been a talker; thus, I am confused and frustrated at the loss of my voice.

It's humbling for an outgoing, social person like myself to be unable to communicate. Sure, I can text and email, and even use the broken bits of sign language that I know. But I cannot express myself in the way I do best: song.

I feel like Ariel.

Only without the red hair.

Or the man.

Still, I do my best, like her, to seem put together, appealing, and ready for the adventure of life. I am fortunate to have the assurance that within a few days, God willing, my voice will be back and my life will continue in its sing-song style, per usual.

Fortunate.

I cannot help but think, in this time when I have only a temporary loss of voice, that there are millions of people who have no voice. Who have never had a voice. Who may never have a voice.

It's not that their minds are empty, or that they don't have anything to communicate; on the contrary. These people have everything in the world to say, their minds teeming with ideas, opinions, and stories. By "people", I don't only mean people of impoverished countries or the stereotypically "oppressed", I am talking about anyone who knows truth yet cannot express it, cannot touch it. Sometimes, we see what is right or wise or just, yet we cannot communicate it because of our life circumstances.

I think about the hundreds of children I have met in the 1,200 miles between Haiti and Guatemala. I have NO doubt that each and every one of them KNOWS that something is not right. They see all the white missionaries come to them, usually only for a week at a time, and they see their happiness, their brilliance, their "foreignness". They see these people are different: cleaner, quicker to speak, unfamiliar with eating off the ground. These children see the looks of disapproval exchanged when we hear that only half of them will complete a middle school level education. They KNOW. They see it. But they say nothing because, well, who might listen? Who would continue to tell them "no"?

When I think of "voiceless people", I also think of some of the young women on my floor here at Baylor. Girls who, like me, spent the majority of their lives in upper, middle class homes with all the privileges that kind of life comes with. We have the same opportunities, and fortunately live in a country that allows us to use our voices. Yet still, we feel a sort of oppression sometimes, something that tells us,"you can't say that," or, "no one thinks that; you'll be too different." So we remain silent, passive to the truth, apathetic to what we know is just, for fear of striking out.

I want to be a voice for the voiceless. I want to be the hands and feet of my God and proclaim, "Speak! You are heard by the Almighty!" Being physically voiceless has been tiresome and exhausting. And only for a few days have I experiences this frustration! Many spend their whole life with the burden of their unheard, unspoken voice on their mind. I beg to the Lord, "Father, why have you sent me here? Why have you given me life? Why did you give me the gift of communication, the passion engage with the oppressed?" I don't know the answers to all these questions. But I know that my God has given me a voice, a piece of His voice.

Though I have not a physical voice today, I have eternal voice in the Kingdom, extending the Good News of Jesus.

And so do you.

You need only to speak.

Say it with me.

"Here I am, Lord. Send me."

Megan Elyse

My name is Megan Elyse Becker

I've asked my parents "why this name?" They always say something vague, along of the lines of, "we just liked it," or "it was just 'different'". My mom mentioned once that around the time she was pregnant with me, she really loved watching "Sleepless in Seattle" with Meg Ryan, and that lent to my namesake.

What began as a semi-meaningless grouping of syllables has now become a major source of identification.

My name means many things to many people. For some, my name is simply a name on a roster sheet in a Political Science class. To others, my name is central to their fondest memories. My name is the first piece of an introduction. It has become synonymous with my personality.

Our names reflect our experiences, our titles, and our dreams.

It is an earthly description of what we stand for.

I see my name on paper, and I don't give it a second thought. It is merely an identifier, the one thing separating my work from the person next to me. It is almost irrelevant and easily overlooked in this context. In that nursery room, when I was a few minutes old, my name was the only thing that distinguished me from the babe to my right. The name is merely means of who belongs to whom.

But, oh, what a name! My name overflows with life, already recorded and yet to occur. It is filled with the promise that if the Lord blesses me with a tomorrow, I will use this name for His glory, not for its own. My name (and yours too), holds the infinite and eternal power that promises us that while we are identified differently in this world, we will all have the same title when we return Home. And that, that is the true identifier.

I am Megan Elyse Becker,

daughter,
sister,
student,
dancer,
CL,
musician,
mentor,
friend,
and most importantly,

disciple of Christ.

                       

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. 

The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" 

- 2 Corinthians 5:17

Picky Love

"Vincent, why do you love me?"

"Because... I love you!"

"Yes, but why?"

"I just love you... I can't explain it! It's just... love!"

(After saying this, he licked my elbow. The tender moment was over before it had time to blossom ;))

My six-year-old brother is teaching me more about love than I've ever really known. Sometimes it's inexplicable, like in V's experience. Usually unexpected, like a lick on the elbow. Love's hardly ever something we deserve.

It's funny to me that we desire the love of one person, sometimes so badly, that we cannot see past the love we are given by dozens of others. I am overwhelmed with love when I am with my family, friends, mentors, residents, worship band, and staff. I take a step back from my own clouded perspective: I see how richly God has blessed me with overflowing love, to give and to receive.

So why do I focus on the love I don't see? The love I don't receive? The small bits of rejection that shouldn't dictate how I feel on a given day? Why do I feel so insignificant when I find out that someone's "I love you" does not mean the same as mine?

I coach myself, saying, "just give it to God, just give it to God", but sometimes, I just don't. Mostly, I really don't know what that means. How do I "give" something to Him that I cannot even define, that I don't want to touch? I beat myself up for not moving on quick enough, for intentional bad choices. I dwell in what I've done wrong, in why I could be deemed "unloveable".

These little moments of coaching myself are mere cover-ups. They are mental fronts that prevent me from breaking down or appearing not put together. I hate looking like a mess to people. In fact, a huge reason I started this blog was to show people that we are all messy, even people like me who say things like "give it to God" all the time. Although I often give vague, spiritual-sounding advice like that, sometimes I don't know how to apply it in my own life. But who does; life is messy and He knows us better than we know ourselves. He has better things planned for us, better than what we might have cooked up for our own lives.

We've all heard that love is patient and kind. That it doesn't boast, that it endures all things. But I also think love is dynamic. I think it changes as we change. Sometimes love has to take on a different meaning as we enter into new stages of life. Our love for one another might not have a clear definition, but there is One Love has the most constant, ever-present meaning we will ever know.

"Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise You! I will praise You as long as I live, lifting up hands to you in prayer" -Psalm 63:3-4

I've prayed this psalm plenty of times. Sometimes, I say it shouting for joy, overcome with happiness. Other times, I say it through a tear-soaked prayer, the words not really comprehensible. But today, as I say them again, I am reminded of Vincent's explanation of love. It is not something one can understand. But it's better than life! Life! Better than the gilded symbols of "love" that we see on a daily basis. And I will praise Him for His love. I'll praise Him when I don't understand life or why I can't seem to shake things off. I'll praise Him when there's nothing more to say. I believe that in this way, I am giving my heartache to the Lord. He fills me up with His goodness and reminds me that His love is strongest. He has not a picky love, like the kind we see and experience here in this life, but an all-consuming embrace. His love says to just love Him back. I am satisfied by that.

(Just a few people who fill me up with love)

(Austin and Cassie)



















(North Village Staff)

(Devon and Danielle)

(Daddy)

(Kristin)

(Mommy and Celeste)

(Vincent)

December Days

December favorite is my favorite month.

I love how this month is filled with a new kind of wonderment. The Christmas spirit is alive! People are excited to be giving gifts and time to the ones they love. December is different. It smells better, it tastes sweeter, and it calls for sweaters and mittens.

In high school, I promised myself that I would never let a day in December unnoticed. I wouldn't try to simply "get through the week" like I usually would during any other month, I would savor each and every hour of December because it is just so special. I wanted to give a gift everyday, to extend cheer and graciousness to people I never had before. December made me a love-struck, googly-eyed teenager, and I was in love with life.

There is almost a sacredness to life that I re-discover every December; a sacredness that I don't necessarily feel every other day of the year. Why is it that December was (and sometimes, still is) a more important time of the year than any other day? Why is my life worth more in these 31 days? Why can't this joy I feel in December, the joy of giving and serving, spill over into the other months? One of my life verses, Ephesians 5:15-17, talks directly to the issue of valuing time: "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."  Paul understood that time is fleeting and that no day should go un-lived. I reminded of this verse in the times where I am going through the motions just to get to the weekend, when I am defaulting to my routine rather than praising My God in the beautiful fact that I'm alive, that He chose to wake me up today. 

Today, I am alive. And so are you! God is not finished with us-- He has work for us that we have yet to complete. That staggering truth kicks me right out of the silly mindset that one month or one season is more special than any other. The richness and beauty of life does not live within the confines of a fuzzy feeling or a gift exchange, it is the mechanism that allows for these things to happen.

Yes, December still smells and tastes better; and I must remember this wonderful feeling during January, February, and the others. God is present and engaged in every moment. That, my friends, is timeless.

Joy, Uncompromising

I find myself in the midst of a rough transition. Me, standing in the middle of a place that I do not know. Doubt, confusion, and regret beg for my allegiance, telling me I'd be better off playing in their games. 

In times like this, I tend to pray. A lot. My prayers are repetitive and desperate and usually soaked in tears. I pray the moment I open my eyes in the morning, I pray as I get ready, throughout my day...

I pray that God would heal a broken situation, a broken heart. That He would make something beautiful out of something so messy. I pray He takes feelings off my heart that aren't meant to be, and that He may re-focus my attention onto His glory and His Kingdom. 

I pray He makes me better. That He would make me worth loving.

Through these moments of prayer, I encounter the living God. I see Him answering prayer, responding to my defeat by lacing His hands into mine and whispering, "your story is not over yet." In my heart, I hear the voice of my Savior, calling me to trust His goodness. 

It is not because if anything I am or have done that makes me worth loving, worth cherishing, but the light of the Lord within me. And honestly, I've only just recently realized this defining truth. I constantly reprimand myself, thinking, "what's wrong with me," "get ahold of yourself, Becker", and sometimes even worse: "you aren't worth it." I am quickly reminded of these falsehoods through the words and company of family and good friends. They see my crumbling confidence and speak truth into my life. I am eternally grateful for them.

I still don't feel great about where I am. There are days of great progress followed by days of sleeping and Hägen-Daas. And while my mind may understand that everything will be alright, my heart still attempts to make the same connection. Happiness comes in bursts, and through those sparks, I become hopeful. Still, despite the compromised "happiness", I still live in a constant state of joy: Joy that I know my God, joy that I am still alive and living in grace, Joy that He loves me. 

That joy is uncompromisable, ineffable. 

"Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; He saved me from all my troubles." -Psalm 34:5-6