A Cleanse Like None Other

For the past two days, I've eaten nothing.

Since Monday, all I've consumed has been the Master Cleanse, a drink that consists of distilled water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. This drink is known for it's success during weight loss, and after I found that out, I was sold.

I'm not unlike every other girl, despite my life in Christ; I still feel uncomfortable in my body and wish I was "prettier" and "skinnier". Certainly not all the time, though. Still, I felt this consuming desire to partake in this cleanse in order to lose weight and jump start a healthier diet. I heard from several people that this sort of thing was actually good for the body, so I figured that was a perk to my scheme.

Let me tell you this: worst two days of my life. While drinking this awful-tasting thing, I experienced nausea, fatigue, crabbiness, and obviously, hunger. Never before have I thought of food so much. I guess while preparing for this cleanse I thought that I would be able to handle the unpleasant taste of the drink, but did not foresee being so hungry. The taste was unpleasant, but not unbearable. Although the cayenne pepper did leave a painful aftertaste at times.

I have to digress back a few weeks to make my point firm. For the past several weeks, I find that I'm always consoling young girls and women my age that there is no need for them to be crash dieting, starving themselves, or exercising excessively for weight loss: "You are beautiful right now! Don't base your worth on the number on the scale! Don't put a numerical limit on how God views you!", and so on and so forth. I was preaching an awful lot on self-worth, even writing songs and my last blog post about it! I had young girls approach me profusely with "thank you"'s the past few weeks with how my advice helped them so much in rediscovering their self-confidence. I felt so overjoyed to have been used this way by our Father, the One who loves us no matter our weight, shape, or size.

He loves us far beyond our quantity (or lack there of, in some cases). He loves us even beyond many of our qualities. Unconditional means without condition. I was preaching unconditional love to young girls.

I did not apply this unconditional love, acceptance, beauty, or grace to myself, though.

Not that I didn't think that God loves me no matter what I look like, but I equated my beauty with the number on my scale; I wanted to be thin for me, and unjustly so. I wanted the image, the fantasy, the attention, none of which are justified reasons to go on a crash diet, not for me at least.

I tried to apply a spiritual element to the cleanse, claiming that since this is the Lenten season, I could pray every time I got hungry. But I could not admit this as legitimate for long: How could I give God this "sacrifice" when it was not intended for Him in the first place? It was all for me. For my pride.

I know this was only a 2 day period of not eating. How could I have realized such a profound thing in 2 days, you might be asking. Well, I pray an awful lot. I pray for closeness and wholeness in Christ, and when one prays in that way, God tends to show up. I believe that He convinced me to stop after such a short time because one can only go so long living with Christ beside them before realizing their unwise paths. He spoke to me through friends that were concerned, and even more than that, spoke through friends who straight-up demanded that I stop.

I also figured that this cleanse was something I wouldn't want to tell my good friends or family about, which, for future reference, probably means it's not a wise idea to begin with.

Please don't misunderstand me: I'm not saying that dieting and living a healthy lifestyle are sinful matters. Not at all! I believe that our bodies are temples and that we should care for them properly. But what I was doing was not for health or "cleansing". The only cleansing I can experience with guaranteed effects is the blood of my Savior, who forgives me and welcomes me home every time I come to Him with tears in my eyes.

I suppose "cleansing" is a loaded word. One could go on a cleanse, as in a diet, to rid their body of impurities. One can cleanse themselves externally, to eliminate the obvious physical imperfections. But the cleanse that I needed, the one that actually benefited me these past few days, was a reminder of my Father who cares for me and sees me as more than a body.

He sees you as a child, one that He created like no one else. You are cleansed through Him. That's all we really need.

"She checks out her reflection in the mirror, for some reason, 

she don't see that beauty is in the picture. 

Thinking her image's flawed, He ain't make her like those models. 

Thinks her figure's a mistake, He only making Coke bottles. 

Nah, coke bottles are plastic, mannequins are plastic, 

but you are fantastic."

 -"Beautiful" by PRo