I just spent over two hours with my dad working on a four year plan, complete with specific courses at my new home, Baylor University. This was a very exhausting and discouraging task: prospects of graduating in four years are looking low.
But I realized something both humbling and indeed, beautiful: I am not the possessor of one day, one hour, or one minute of any time on this planet. I sit and plan for four years ahead, assuming that I have that long, assuming that this time is mine to manipulate. No amount of my puppetry could ever add a minute to my life. Everything that goes according to my plan only exists as a result of God allowing mine and His to flawlessly coincide.
This is my second day in Honolulu for Christmas break, but it was supposed to be my third. Due to travel complications (detrimental flight delay, getting kicked off a flight, you know...), I was forced to spend the night in a strange city (San Francisco) by myself after a grueling day of travel and running on no sleep for 30+ hours. Certainly, that day did not go according to my plan. What was God's intention in all of this? How did He prove more sovereign in my life my delving out some serious inconveniences; how dare He!
The truth is, I've noticed that He has been, more so than ever before, teaching me about the concept of time. He is showing me how not a single moment is my own. Even the simple act of breathing, of inspiration, comes from His will, and I take too much credit for that.
How is He telling me to spend my time? Four more years at Baylor? Summer school? Haiti? A decent job? I plan and I plan, yet these attempts have proven futile. Lord, open my stubborn heart for your will for the time You've allotted. Allow me to do what You created me for. Show me what I unjustly hold onto and what You deem unnecessary. Time is an all-encompassing force that is beautiful and mysterious, something I will never fully comprehend yet succumb to all the same; yet, then again, so are You.
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