Thunder

Recently, I've felt the Lord call me back into the Word.

I have not sat down and read my Bible in far too long.

Sure, I pray and I read devotionals. I watch sermons and I journal.

But I haven't read the Word as fervently as I should.

All too often, I rely on what I already know. 

Sometimes, I don't pursue Knowledge and Truth because I feel I already know enough.

Now, as I am typing, I recognize this as none other than an attack of the enemy. 

The evil one, Satan, who takes and takes and actively opposes me.

He tells me that I needn't read my Bible,

Because I am busy,

Or I already know that passage,

Or I have other things to do.

But, as I am realizing once again, the Word gives life,

For it is alive and well!

There is no other feeling on this planet comparable to when I am reading Truth.

I feel complete, centered, eyes fixed on the One who saves.

He pulled me back to basics, into Romans.

Even re-reading chapters and books I've read before

Gives me new perspective, a new "filling-up". 

Every chapter is a new message that I need to hear.

He speaks clearly to me in these Words.

As I contemplate how to address sin in my life, He gives me, "But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code" (Romans 7:6)

As I worry about events that have yet to occur,

He provides me with the Words: "...neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future...will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39)

And just as a finish reading Romans 8,

A singular thunder clap in the sky resounds,

Almost as an exclamation point to His Word,

Casting my attention, my heart, onto Truth once again.

His provision is everywhere.

He reaches out His hand always.

Oh, to be in the care of the Most High.

A child of the God of Thunder, Truth, Redemption.

What more shall I desire?

Broadway Dreams

I was the girl with the hairbrush

Singing into it at the top of my lungs

Stopping only to run the mic through my short brown mop top, perpetually tangled.

I was the girl who listened to Céline and  Streisand instead of the Spice Girls. I had dreams bigger than my little body could contain. I wanted the stage, the lights, the attention. 

I wanted to sing for more than my elementary school talent show. More than backseat signing, more than the hairbrush. Broadway, I wanted Broadway.

I craved attention and affirmation, praise for my talents. Worthwhile. 

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I accepted Christ when I was about 15 years old. Praise, in this new life, was given to my Savior, not myself. Like magic, my desires to own the stage disappeared; as I discovered the beauty of Christ more, my personal desires ruled less. 

I stopped thinking about the fame and performing. I didn't want to be anyone's "Idol". The "X factor" in my life was grace and redemption. Friends and family pressed me, "so when are you gonna make it big?" to which I would reply, "I already have."

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This year, I have had the extreme privilege of being a member of VirtuOSO. Working with these 13 talented musicians has made me the happiest I've been in college. I find a great deal of fulfillment in working with a team towards a common goal. For me, it is always about the group. I am honored to represent VirtuOSO on stage. I believe in who we are. Always have, always will. 

We didn't expect to get this far.

We have placed first in both our quarterfinal and semifinal round. We are over the moon thrilled to have advanced; VirtuOSO, the underdogs, the kids in it to have fun. Tomorrow morning, we leave for finals in New York City. We perform at the Beacon Theater on Broadway, home of many great shows (including the Tony's). 

What amazes me, beyond VirtuOSO's extreme fortune, is how the Lord has brought me to my deepest desires, but on His terms. For the last 5 years, I have done my best (as a broken, undeserving human), to make manifest the glory of God. VirtuOSO is an outlet of praise for me, a close community of friends. Despite my letting go of the earthly desires of attention and self-seeking, He still gave me this one-in-a-million opportunity to sing on Broadway. 

My God is a God of fulfilling dreams, dreams that He sets in our hearts at inexplicable times and brings them into the Light when He deems most glorifying. Father, I will glorify You in this moment, in this dream come true. Not because I want, but because You give.

To Him be the glory, honor, and power.

Time

Time: an uncontrollable conundrum.
We've organized it brilliantly,
Keeping tabs on it, controlling it,
But all the labels in the world can't help the fact
That time goes on without a care of what we think about it.

Whether or not we call the light "day"
Or lay our heads down at "night",
Time will do as it pleases,
Either vastly oblivious we have tried to contain it
Or fully aware that we keep it tied up.

But between each tick and tock,
There are moments that live in between time,
Moments that cannot be captured by a time frame
Or an exact hour.
Sometimes, life takes a surprising amount of time.

Falling in love took no time at all.
Time was irrelevant when I called him my friend,
When we walked side by side and thought of nothing in particular,
Time passed without me watching,
Life happened without me counting.

Three days time was all it took;
In three days time, I fell in love with my best friend.
Not an astonishing amount of "time" had transpired,
But astonishing moments have been happening since,
Outside the confines of time, almost cosmic.

With him, I look up and say,
"You've really outdone Yourself."
Together, we say,
"Help us be more like You."
Never in all my time did I think I deserved that kind of love.

Now, as I take my imaginary reigns of time,
(For I know I have no say in it's pace),
I long to speed it up;
To race through to the milestones,
To avoid every time I am alone.

But what have I now but endless Time?
With my Almighty God, I am limited only by this earthly body.
All the Love and Time I have to give comes from Above,
For he is the Holder of Time; He wears Time on a pendant
And does not dictate how we choose to use His Time.

I will be forever grateful to my God,
For with His Time,
He has allowed me to love and be loved.
He has given me love that I do not deserve.
I will spend my time praising His gracious name.


"But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day." 2 Peter 3:8

Leste, Best.

Distance. Like, a lot of distance.
794 miles.

That's... 4,192,320 feet (Yes, I used a calculator. Yes, I messed up more than once).

That's pretty far, considering my favorite place to be is 1 ft away from you, in the same room. Laughing in unison, eating anything from health shakes to chocolate truffles and sipping chai tea. Reminiscing, talking smack, and always, always eating. 

We talk of new favorite songs, hilarious jokes, heart wrenching struggles, and Jesus. And at every moment, even with this vast distance between us, I still have you close. Despite the millions of things keeping us apart, you're forever a prayer away (and thankfully, a text away, too).

Celeste Elizabeth Burnham, you are my best friend. 

I could not have woven together a more beautiful story for us if I tried. God's perfect handwriting is scrawled all over the pages of our friendship. And you are not just one chapter, like many fleeting things in my life. You, like all the most important people I've been blessed with, have seen me through my absolute worst. The pages of the book I want to ink over or rip out.

When I say "worst", I don't just mean the petty fights and the bad hair days. I don't just mean the days I feel fat or the days I forget to tell you I love you. I mean the days where I am simply unlovable. Where I speak like a hypocrite and I deliberately don't practice what I preach. 

You love me in a way the mirrors that of our Father, so lavishly and undeservingly. And although you will be the first to admit you're not perfect, that's fine with me-- I don't love you because you're perfect. I love you because we trust mutually, share honestly, and connect authentically.

I saw you last 163 days ago. When I say goodbye to you, I feel like a toddler being told she can't play with her favorite toy, and to sit down and not cry about it either. But I know that even with these huge gaps in being near you, I never feel like you are away. You are so much of my heart. 

You are the best of my life, Celeste. I truly mean that. When I look back to the seasons of my most inward growth and outward expression, you are there.  You're there loving me and encouraging me, and I don't know how you have the patience! You've taught me so much about what it means to listen, what it means to advise. You put up with my loud, obnoxious hellos and my long, tearful goodbyes. You deal with my inconsistencies and my selfishness, only to turn around with more love and affirmation. You make me better, and I pray I reflect much of the same for you. You are deserving, you are worth it. You are a gift. Don't forget it.

Without you, I'd still be looking down at my motionless feet, wondering why I wasn't moving. You help me run toward Him. Thank you for running with me. This weird life is better with you.

Olive the love, Meg

Prone to Wander

A loss of one's sense of self.

An indifference to one's moral integrity.

An unshakable numbness, warming one moment then frigid the next.


I don't feel like myself.
I don't wake up and thank God for all my blessings.
I don't instantly play my Jesus playlist when I bike to school.
I don't say my prayers at night.

I don't feel like myself.
I'm quick to gossip and slow to forgive.
I'm body conscious, worth-conscious, overall self-conscious.
I'm looking to receive love when I give it, often selfishly.

I don't feel like myself.
And I haven't for a several months.

I could blame this change on my busy schedule
My taxing workload
My lack of deep friendships.

I could blame my mistakes on anything.
Take no personal responsibility for the way my life looks.

But I won't.
The problem is inherent in the fact that I am human.

I've not been coming to God with my struggles because I haven't seen these things as struggles.
I see them as... independence.
Self-worth.
Growing up.
I don't ask God if I'm being who He wants me to be because
I'm ashamed of my habits
And I don't want Him to see them.
I don't want to be a hypocrite.
And asking for forgiveness would confirm that I am one.

I am one, indeed.

But grace, sweet grace that is incomprehensible to me, especially now,
Is not about me.
Grace and the blessings that come from it have nothing to do with how good I am
Or how bad I am.
Grace has everything to do with who God is.
How God loves.
Grace gives me permission to have bad days.
Grace allows me to come before the throne in the midst of my defilement.
Grace ensures me that I am never outside the view of the Most High.

The knowledge of this fact should be enough.
Before recently, mere knowledge hasn't been enough.
Satan grips tighter and pulls harder;
Now knowledge needs to turn into permanence.
And God is so willing to let that happen.

If only I choose to unfurl my fists.
If only I choose to drop the knife.

Choice in itself is grace.
I can choose grace.
For it is already there to be taken.
He has already forgiven me.

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it.

Prone to leave the God I love.

Take my heart, Lord, take and seal it.

Seal it for thy courts above."

The Face Of God

I stare into the face of God.

He is depicted as an elderly man,

With long flowing locks,

Riding upon the clouds

All these ornate cathedrals, cast in gold and crowded with images from scripture. 

All this for a man

A man who was God 

A man, like so many of his time,

Was crucified.

A rather common punishment 

For the most hardened of criminals.

His story was one that shouldn't have made it out of Jerusalem.

He could have been deemed

"Just another self-proclaimed Messiah"

"Just another crucified"

Yet, as I gaze upon the seemingly endless interiors proclaiming His name,

His truth is affirmed.

Paintings, sculptures, undeniable works of art,

All exuding the indescribable, unparalleled truth

Of salvation

Of grace

Of redemption.

He lives not only in these extravagant temples, in these wealthy cities.

He lives in the slums of countries that have no running water.

He lives in the makeshift huts

Where people gather to praise Him.

No frescos, no gold statues, no striking organs and harpsichord.

Just filled with the greatest symphony of all:

The song of His people;

A never ending composition

With no key,

No tempo,

No form.

I stare into the face of God

But His image is not here on the ceilings of cathedrals

He is in my soul;

A battered man who's death was anything but picturesque.

Yet still, the most beautiful image one could ever fathom.

The Journey, Pt. 2

June 20th, 2014

So, I haven't written here since I arrived in Germany almost 2 weeks ago. That's because Germany is AWESOME and I want to spend all my time exploring; writing blog posts would take too much time away from that! But alas, I have a few minutes, and I want to document this adventure!

First here are some things I've noticed about Germany:

1. The food is so delicious. Never once have I thought, "...is this meat real?" Meals take more time, eating is a family event rather than an obligatory routine.

2. People are less... social. They typically don't start up conversations.

3. The store clerks don't bug you to buy anything.

4. On the note of stores: all the sale items are at the front of the store, not all the way in the back like in the U.S. Definitely appreciate this one!

5. Road signs are different, but most of the rules are the same. Except for the lack of speed limits.

6. Public transportation is generally clean and easy to use.

7. I feel like an idiot more than I'd like; everyone here is nearly (if not completely) fluent in English, not to mention a few other languages. I can barely say 3 words in German.

8. I want to live here.

Granted, there are times when I miss Waco, my dear friends at Baylor, and all the many activities I do there, but part of me feels at home in Germany already. I even got the chance to talk with the music teacher on base to ask about what it's like to teach at a DOD school. What a cool job, to teach music overseas to military kiddos like myself! I'll definitely be applying for that.

So far, we've gotten to wander around downtown Stuttgart through some of the historic as well as modern parts of the city. For the most part, we are still getting used to our surroundings. We are preparing to go on a 2 week vacation all around Germany, Austria, and even Switzerland for a day!

Downtown Stuttgart, Königstraße

I think one of the things I am learning is that God is... gosh, just so much bigger than I ever thought. I don't give Him enough credit. He's been real to me in my life, supreme and sovereign. But now, coming to Europe, I see that He is present here too, in the furthest reaches of the earth that I will never see. And He loves me-- even if I am cranky from jet lag or cursing because my laptop breaks, or when I am embarrassed that I can't communicate with a stranger. I feel so blessed everyday just to be here, sitting in my hotel room, looking out the window at the cobblestone roads and pathways. He gives me peace to accept the things I can't understand and the passion to pursue the answers.

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June 23rd, 2014

PARIS FREAKIN FRANCE! Holy smokes, I get all in a tizzy just thinking about it.

Here's the deal: I've wanted to go to France for a long time (who doesn't?), but the desire to go heightened after the spring semester of 2010 during my first French class in high school. Part of that desire had a lot to do with the fact that my teacher, Mrs. Stoneback, was my cheer coach, student council sponsor, mentor, and spiritual guide; really, if she was involved in it, I was too.

I was actually pretty good at French. Did 4 semesters in high school, went to Haiti and got to speak there, tested into level II in college, and finished up French in Hawaii during summer classes. I've been in love with the language and the culture for the past 4.5 years. And boy do my parents know it.

Dad and Michelle surprised us with a hangman puzzle, the result reading, "Weekend in Paris". Well, I cried like a baby for a solid 15, then started packing.

We boarded the bus at 2:30AM, and 10 hours later (don't ask), we were in Paris.

Oh, the city was breathtaking. History everywhere, food everywhere, selfie opportunities everywhere. It was like a dream, like I had dove into one of my textbooks and rolled around in the pages. I was encompassed my Paris, totally absorbed in the Notre Dame, the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, the flow of the Seine. The Eiffel Tower was my favorite-- going to the top was actually quite scary, we were so dang high up! But the views were incomparable to any views I'd experienced.

Sommet de la Tour Eiffel

 As the only French speaker in the family, I got to order meals and ask questions. I felt like all my training was building up to this one trip.

False, 'cause Lord knows I'm going again.

It was only two days, which for me, was way too short. But I was so thankful to be there, even for a short time. This trip definitely confirmed my love for France, and I can't wait to see more!